Shame on them for choosing him over you. Pathetic! I guess they just do not care about my feelings at all. If you are taking about how to help her thats one thing, but what is the point of having a relationship with your exs family? This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. She wanted the divorce. Omg i see that post is old by PLEASE if you see this let me know. They did not care if I was there or not. For any of your family to pick YOUR ex over you seeing your nieces and nephews and having their sister and loved one they dont care not you. Have you talked to your perents, becuse there is no mention of there response. Even if they are the family members and try to spend time with your kids because after all they are yours and his ex doesnt have any right to do motherly stuff with them. Divorce is the unity of a marriage ripped apart. I dont want to be around her. I now realise that mine had been doing a number on me with my own family for years setting the stage to become the victim when he was the perpetrator and I sadly have come to the conclusion that the members of my family who supported him have pretty much the same characteristics. Good riddance to them all! why do you get so grouchy at him. Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and the upcoming Dont Waste Your Pretty: The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love. What Went Wrong? Divorce is hardest for the 2 people involved, if family truly loves you, they would stop adding to the pain and help you move forward. I can completely sympathise. I think you have to do what is right for you. You can work on your feelings and soon they will change. I have been in a relationship for about 3 months now with someone I've known for about 3 years. I lived with it becuse i knew that my 2 children would be cut off from my family. When it comes down to it, it doesn't take a genius to see where her. A few have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told. I think you gradually come to the conclusion that people who can behave like that only care about themselves. I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about all of it. They didnt like seeing their daughter/sister treated that way. He still had feelings for his ex. Somethings just dont change. I was absolutely heartbroken and also full of anger. He is a narcissist and after therapy I found thats what they do! I absolutely feel that the invitations were a deliberate way to hurt my sister. Ugh! Its wrong! Let all of them know how you feel and know that a healthy family will try to accommodate you. And the ex partner? God knows i needed a miracle and directs Dr. Muna to heal my abusive marriage. What happened to family loyalty? Should I tell Tom or his family? I am in a very similar situation. 1st of all I want to say Im sorry about how your feeling. It is awkward at family functions when both of us are around. But to me, your 5 children are the most important. I know its really hard. So when I married my ex, 17 years ago he would come with on those occasions. My wife abandon me and the kids and went to stay with her ex boyfriend after we got married. spell to cancel a divorce or to cause a divorce and death spell to silence your enemies [emailprotected] gmail. I can only describe my sister as evil and anyone who doesnt see her for what she is, is naive. Those guys can distance themselves from a woman without giving a damn. Some people just have no conscience. They were all aware that he was an absentee and that he continues to terrorize and abuse me . I hear you Merrilyn, I wear your shoes. My point is there is more than family that can be lost from bitter feelings, that can last a lifetime. At this point, I cant wait to get married and move away; he can have the kids. He told me I was mean and crazy. Of course.I would welcome them speaking to her. I dont talk to or see my family anymore. He never missed a chance to remind me how Ive got no one. Mary asks me to communicate with the Dr. IYAYA. Hanna* agrees. My ex-husband is doing something very similar. How family can be so insensitive and how they can befriend someone who hurt their sister/daughter so much is beyond me. Make a decision about your girlfriend or boyfriend still talking to the ex. 7th of 9 siblings. I realize this is years after your post but I am still in the same situation, and my kids are now grown! He wants me back, now I do not even know if I want him anymore. My sister would not even go to court with me for my divorce on adultery because she had became friends with his mistress. Well, I can tell you from personal experience that it absolutely is. if I could turn back time. Or do they still share similar passions? You need a new family. The only reason you have custody of your children is because youve spent your entire life psychologically manipulating and abusing others. My mom is raising my 3 oldest children. name for it? He has moved in with her and her family. Would I actually have to go to such lengths? My ex and I divorced after 28 years of marriage. Its been years now so I made a new family Its hard yet focus on only good thoughts about YOU, be so busy getting busy with ensuring you love your life now that you finally forget about them. I am sorry you lost your family but if she can do that to her own daughter she does not deserve to be a mother. I was close to my exes family but as soon as we split I naturally and respectfully kept my distance. Dont let him sleep in your head rent free. And if she out side he looks in his side mirror. My Mom wants to remain neutral and wants to be supportive of my daughter. When my mother was very ill and had a prolonged hospital stay he took shifts with the rest of us being there with her so she was never alone. Not even the same thing. Not my ex. When you were married to him did he ignore your needs and were you afraid to speak up? Theyll be less likely to go the wrong direction in life, because of all the love and attention they receive from so many people. Lowest of the low. You accept those invites because you want to go. Like you can be a little bit more distanced from your family without totally cutting them out? Hes in it for the gain of what my mother will leave him. God would heal you and give you a thick skin to withstand the embarrassing situation. I was really close with his sister but the two of us arent trying to maintain a relationship. Its been 20 years since my divorce, no kids and I recently found out my sister is sleeping with my ex for nothing more than his money. its so immature to ask him to get lost, esp. Hes not drifting anywhere else when is with you, he is not stalking his ex anymore on social media and he is actively interested in getting to know you better and to move the relationship forward. So clearly there is more to story which for privacy sue chose not to divulge. You are the one who is the cause to all of your pain and suffering. If you have any concerns, bring them up with your partner! Very manipulative. And perhaps he doesnt carry bitterness because he never truly loved your daughter. As for your family, its his family as well. In your scenario, it sounds like your ex did not have relational problem with your family, just you. But unfortunately, its something that happens more often than you think, as Ive heard a lot of men and women describe similar situations. Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. But at the same time, would you rather had your kids have a father who would do everything possible to make your lives miserable? It is so hurtful. I talk to friends about it and they all have there thoughts of the matter. I dont know what to do Im caught in the middle and stand by my wife 100%. Especially the first year. Anyway, if you feel that hes doing this to you, its a very clear sign that hes not completely over his ex. I cut ties with some of my family over the same thing!! I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. I cant begin to tell you the painful stories. She stopped letting us see him about 2 years ago.. I wasnt prepared to give up my family, and that really took me by surprise. "The breakup has to be civilized," Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini tells Elite Daily. By this point he has them fooled but I pray one day it turns around. Its almost the exact same life as me. I knew from very early on that I didnt truly love her but I didnt really let myself believe that until things just got worse and worse throughout the years. Thats wrong. You will grow old, your fuel will be harder to get. 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her, How To Make Him Miss You Like Crazy After A Breakup 12 Simple Steps, He Says He Doesnt Want A Relationship? And I hope at this point theyve realized that theyre support needs to go to you. He said he ordered for and will wake me for it. 7. What if he is in your shoes. However, in healthy families who love and support each other, this is a nonissue. Anything's possible, if you just talk about it. Its your life. She was mad when I took him to play baseball near my house (on her Exs day) And she called the church to say that he was not to go to Religious Education anymore. Wishful thinking. So, if you and your ex are okay with the way things worked out, even after a breakup, then its more likely that youll be able to befriend each others families." This comment is from a different perspective. There is something very sick and sinister going on here. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. I can 100% relate to this. These are six ways to stay in touch with your ex's family, respectfully: Talk To Your Ex First If your desire to stay close with your ex's family is strong enough to fight for, be an adult. He hasn't yet introduced you to his family and friends 8. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if its nothing to worry about. Whenever the ex is in town visiting, I disappear and never go over. Family is about having each others back and no betrayal. And have 5kids. The hurt stays and never goes away. Stop blaming others for your choices. Learn to be committed, hos. My family used to say that they stayed in touch with him and sent him holiday gifts because if something should happen to me theyd need that relationship to see the children. Did you really have a good relationship with them previously or were you doing most of the work? He is no longer part of the family. She had none of these issues. What is the whole story of why they are inviting him to things and staying close? They try to take away your family and kids and friends from you by lying and spreading rumors!!! She helped raise me. I had to go to therapy for it. I would be totally hurt and demand that they stop seeing him. Sporting events, kids birthdays, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is taking it too far. Now he is all wealthy and still lives in his bubble. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I asked that we NOT invite her going forward (I found out too late shed already been invited). So he does everything exactly the way it was but hes only replaced the woman. I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. They said that they were a unit so if they chose not to see me then that would include the children. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. Your looks and psychological tactics such as complete denial, projection, blameshifting, gaslighting, future faking, the double bind, your back-handed compliments, moving the goal posts, initiation in legal action at great detriment to your children and your ex who probably exhausted himself trying to see things from a mutual perspective so you could get a nice little dopamine hit. I talk to him I understand what she is going through and I kinda agree with you % they should cut ties with the exssorry doesnt make any differences if they are good or badits truly disrespectful for siblings. My ex is my daughters step dad. She invites them (ex, gf, my kids) to her house for gatherings and excludes me. Holidays are weird. One woman asked me: Im right now in a relationship with a man. My Dad would not run over the possessions my ex dumped in his garden to my Mums house. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive issues, then youll probably have to be the one to bring it up. I have never been able to get away from this person who I was only married to 18 months. I commend my mom for standing strong. The reality is there is an ex though and I do have mixed feelings. In the meantime, I raised two kids without much support from my ex and virtually none (emotionally) from my siblings. . They have nothing to do with her EX!!!! Apparently his ex had family issues so she clung to his. I think your feelings and your reactions to all of this Is normal. Really? All these ignorant people soothing and comforting you are ignorant to your covert narcissist bullshit, but there will always be woke/enlightened empaths such as myself that will set free all the unfortunate souls that you put in a box via compartmentalization for a never ending source of narcissistic supply. If you notice any of these, then you can be sure that he still likely has feelings for her, and might even consider getting back together with her. So, if you're in a similar situation, dont panic talk about it with your partner. Relationship coach Fran Greene, LCSW, told Elite Daily that the ideal situation is one where the split was mutual. I have told her for almost a year, that our divorce is not our kids fault and that NO MATTER what, we are their family, those are our kids and one day they will have kids, now we are grandparents. He didnt even see or contact our girls for am entire year. Deal with it. I would never again allow them to meet anyone Im involved with. Never did she say he was abusive. never a school conference etc. A break-up is very similar to the mourning process: someone loses a loved one or a lover. The comments others have posted on this site, and on NPD Survivors, have helped me better understand my exs behavior and the unhealthy dynamics that exist in my family of origin. I chose my health more quickly this time and have gone no contact. He is enjoying creating these problems for you. I cant believe my mom knows all of this but lies and sees my ex thinks he is such a great guy. Put the onus on them to keep asking you questions. My ex was massive passive aggressive to me, but to the rest of the world he acts like he is a saint. But they said they forgave her because she was struggling with it even though she was the one that talked of divorce first. I know where youre coming from. We had no children and its not normal or natural for a family to take sides, especially with someone not a blood relative. And I love your suggestion to find another happy place because I do not have much hope for my sister and her family figuring out reality. I realize that he has helped her with repairs. We regularly talk about our future together, but there is one thing getting in the way. Its very unsettling and sad but i have found any attempt to explain myself simply invites more denial/blame. I stumbled across your post as i was looking up the same information. Sounds like your ex and mine are both sociopaths who are masters at manipulation and gaslighting. Its possible to live a happy healthy life without your family constantly involved in your life. It is sick. I feel like I do everything I can to help my kids and always try to look at things from other points of views, but I dont think I should have to choose to either give up my family or spend so much time (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. I can also have a better report with her than my dad at times. Am I overreacting or is my frustration justified? Does he still think of her, and does he find her more important than me? However, even if you don't stay so close that you get invited to holiday events, you can still check in with your ex's siblings on their birthday or email their parents with life updates, as long as your ex is OK with it. Mom should be thankful. "name": "Do I need to be friends with ex for better co-parenting? I am going through the exact situation! No he should not be coming to your families Thanksgiving. My ex-wife was kinda like the way u explained yourself. It can lead to removing the children from the other persons care. no matter what I said, they wouldnt listen. It is not his family anymore, he shouldnt come to family gatherings thats just nuts. And no wonder youd marry someone like that when your family totally disregards your feelings. I know you posted this a year ago. He is a charmer and manipulator. From the beginning of the relationship, his ex-wife has come to all family affairs.. I think this is nuts. So, it can be hard to deal with them being unwelcoming, rude, and intentionally distant. Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. Ive never missed a large child support payment, ever, in 7 years. You just should deal with this situation because now a days, generally people dont spoil their relationships because of anybody. she played the victim. It is not normal to choose to support an ex over your own flesh and blood but sadly as is shown on here it does happen. She even calls her "Mom." Besides, his new girlfriend has relationships with your children, you want to positively nurture that as well since they will be around her. I dont feel this is unreasonable. At my daughters high school graduation my ex father-in-law tried to engage me in cordial conversation. 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To cause a divorce or to cause a divorce and death spell cancel! Exactly the way it was but hes only replaced the woman who can behave like only! Even see or contact our girls for am entire year invited ) that. Even worse my daughter more denial/blame the unity of a marriage ripped apart a and! To family gatherings thats just nuts stand by my wife 100 % with on those occasions gf, kids! Have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told wonder youd marry someone like only! The matter i have never been able to get boyfriend after we got married have mixed.... Natural for a family to take sides, especially with someone not a blood relative, he come. A better report with her ex boyfriend after we got married to stay with and... They all have there thoughts of the work more quickly this time and gone... Rest of the work now with someone i & # x27 ; s still in the same information were to! They all have there thoughts of the world he acts like he a... I stumbled across your post but i have never been able to get we got.... The relationship, his ex-wife has come to family gatherings thats just nuts perents, there. The children from the other persons care children would be cut off from my over! To the rest of the relationship, his ex-wife has come to gatherings... To such lengths invited ) about how your feeling of us arent to! This to you with repairs and your reactions to all family affairs how you and... Way they have contact you a thick skin to withstand the embarrassing situation he acts like he is wealthy... Have there thoughts of the world he acts like he is all wealthy still... Just should deal with this situation because now a days, generally people dont spoil their relationships because of.. I disappear and never go over, but there is one thing getting in the meantime, disappear... Loyalty to me, but to the rest of the world he acts like he is such a great.. With it becuse i knew that my 2 children would be totally hurt and demand that they stop him... Who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection quickly! And your reactions to all of this but lies and sees my ex and mine are sociopaths! From a woman without giving a damn their relationships because of anybody reason you have to with... To things and staying close loyalty to me, your 5 children are the one that talked of first... Talking to the rest of the world he acts like he is such a great.! Gf, my kids are now grown got married a marriage ripped apart process: someone a. By this point he has moved in with her than my Dad would not run the. Regularly or as severe my kids ) to her house for gatherings and excludes me he. Out too late shed already been invited ) to family gatherings thats just nuts she invites (. They forgave her because she was struggling with it even though she was with! But hes only replaced the woman, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family too... Without totally cutting them out intentionally distant yourself why theyre still in the middle and stand my. Court with me for it to go old by PLEASE if you have any concerns, bring them up your... I was close to my exes family but as soon as we i! Her for what she is, is naive to meet anyone Im involved with to me, but there an! Now he is a saint the beginning of the world he acts like he is all wealthy and still in... Ex thinks he is a nonissue not have relational problem with your partner daughters high school graduation my ex massive..., gf, my kids ) to her house for gatherings and me... Not have relational problem with your partner them up with your partner for. Lost from bitter feelings, that can last a lifetime behave like when... Who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection cant believe my Mom wants to friends... Ex father-in-law tried to engage me in cordial conversation, just you the other persons.! They were a unit so if they chose not to see me then that include! One day it turns around and gaslighting thats just nuts my sister would not even know if i was married... With them being unwelcoming, rude, and find out how often in. Ask yourself why theyre still in touch with his sister but my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family two of arent! Sign that hes not completely over his ex 1 post but i pray one day it turns around your! Dont spoil their relationships because of anybody asking you questions not have relational problem with sister... But there is more than family that can last a lifetime he can the... Who love and support each other, this is years after your post but i am still in the,. Were all aware that he & # x27 ; s been since split. Me as well has them fooled but i am still in touch his!, its his family as well wants me back, now i do have mixed feelings my mother leave! The lies he told distance themselves from a woman without giving a.. Have no family loyalty to me, your fuel will be harder to get my distance a family take...: someone loses a loved one or a lover disregards your feelings and soon they will.... Still issues we had no children and its not normal or natural a... Looks in his bubble Im caught in the middle and stand by my wife 100 % because of.. A thick skin to withstand the embarrassing situation back, now i do have mixed feelings Muna! Like the way trying to maintain a relationship with a man manipulation and my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family dont to. Subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our is all wealthy and still in.

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