Below I've put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to do based on my own experience. And a lot of things you say she does because of her mental issues are just excuses (walking around in her underwear common girl ), Everyone is allowed to have a backbone and dont accept things that make them bad. The way he explained the lease situation was confusing, Im gonna ask for clarification on that. Do you want another story? Just because i said I liked Sarah Silverman yesterday doesnt mean I have a doody obsession! But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. And then from that well have more dates in the following weeks. That might sound drastic, but it's a really terrible thing to say to someone. Life is too short and too fun to worry about winning. I hate ex-girlfriends. Still hung up on someone he used to be with? Maybe we didn't even realize that this situation was so bad, but it really is if this is happening. March 14, 2014, 1:23 pm. Ppl will do anything they want and others just go along with it. I think there is something to be said for cheating exs too-when a breakup happens because of a cheating partner its been my impression that often there is this little part of a person, concious or not, that is always blindsided by it. Maybe you want to know this: when I first got Moose he was hovering in his about to pinch one off position on top of this gorgeous Persian rug that I have and thats maybe 100 years old (how/why I have it, with a new puppy is another question). He's always going to rely on his mom and want her advice. 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March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. 10 Gifts To Shop For Your Best Friends Birthday, 20 Things Her Boyfriend Says About His Ex That Are Red Flags, 10 Must-Have Products From Paula's Choice Skincare Line, 10 Ways To Disconnect From Work & Wind Down At The End Of The Day, 10 Ways To Spend A Peaceful Saturday With Yourself, Remembering Pop Culture Icon & Philanthropist, Olivia Newton-John, 10 Ways To Take A Productive Break From Work & Summon Focus, 10 Moves To Target Your Lower Abs & Feel The Burn, 10 Things To Do Before Ending Your Workday & Transitioning Into Personal Time, 10 Of The Best Home Decor Items On Amazon, 10 Reasons To Add A Light Weight To Your Workouts, 10 Ways To Eat More Plant-Based This Summer, 10 Ways To Deal With Going Back To The Office, 10 Tips To Sleep Better On A Hot Summer Night, 10 Books Becoming Movies Being Released This Year. If it's been a long time, then he honestly should be ready by now, and it proves that he's not on the same page as us. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. But, like, I . But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. Some are ready after only a few months. We all deserve to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals, and someone who wants the best for us. In reality, the guy who calls girls crazy is the same guy who won't take you or your feelings seriously. she puts on clothes to go outside, right? IS a red flag. Whats he gonna say, Youre number two with a bullet, so hang in there, kiddo? But if our boyfriend says, "I'm going out with the guys Saturday night" and that's literally every Saturday, that's a different story. Not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may not be that he loves his last girlfriend. With facts like hers, its seems really plausible. While we love our exes and love is universal, the way we feel that love is not the same. If he still seems excited to meet up with her dad or go to some kind of ex-family event, you just have to wonder what his motives are. He's good looking, successful, kind, caring, attentive, fun, and just a normal, nice guy. 20K 1.4K You want to date someone you trust, right? You call it him being nice but its him being a doormat. He does. He does need to stand up for himself. BUT who in hell calls another woman the love of their life to their current girls face? 'My boyfriend is spending Christmas morning with his ex for the third year - I'm livid' A woman is raging as her boyfriend is spending Christmas with his ex for the third year -. Tell him it's time to make your satisfaction a priority. Playing with We all die eventually; I just carried the bullet for a while., lets_be_honest Welcome to r/relationship_advice.Please make sure you read our rules here. I understand you are concerned fro his feelings, to your credit, and there are ways to bring this all up and discuss without putting him on the defensive. i can't imagine how her bf feels about that one! His girlfriend probably can't, but that's why you're the alluring, sexy ex now. 'My boyfriend invited his ex to our anniversary dinner - I'm furious' A woman has turned to the internet for advice on her relationship, listing all the bizarre things her boyfriend had. Even if he's no longer in love with her, it's possible that he still has some residual feelings for her. Just like there are guys who want commitment and guys who are totally freaked out by it, there are guys who are fine with talking and planning for the future and guys who just can't. It's possible that things won't work out because we're on different pages and we don't want the same things. During season 3, the Michigan native shocked her fellow cast members when she invited a woman from Miami . However, someone saying this kind of thing is intending for you to take his side and believe that his exes were mean, possessive or just not a good fit for their friend group. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Rather, the fact that hed cheated was, for me, a clear sign that he was anything BUT the love of my life. Was your bf aware of your feelings at that point? You shouldnt care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on. LW2: Why are you willing to settle for dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years? She can read Tickle His Pickle & make it a couples effort! If we've told our boyfriend that we're bored and would really like a date night out, but he tells us "Let's just stay home," that's not really the best thing that he could say. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. You simply enter his name and location and it will pull up a ton of your ex boyfriend's information, and what he's been up to. What happens? How much do we actually want to know about our boyfriends' exes? Revealing that something you're doing reminds him of something he did with an ex is a sign that she's still affecting him in the present moment. Maybe he thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date him forever. . They have keys to each other's houses, they have dinners together with their kids, and I feel like she is texting and calling every minute. My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . Back when we were single, how many first dates did we go on that were so bad that we wished that we could find someone already so we could binge-watch a show together? I know everyones different, so the comparison might be unfair, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever. . The best Christmas present I could have gotten. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. Oh I dont know about this. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if it's nothing to worry about. If our boyfriend tells us that we're crazy, there's really only one thing to do: get out as fast as we can and wonder why we were even dating him in the first place. We all love a guy we can bring home to mama. March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. For every question, Ill give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a persons question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Shes totally taking advantage of him. Shouldnt that person be my spouse? You deserve more and that situation isnt healthy for you." I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. It just seems to happen that way. He might say it during a fight, whether it's a big or small one, or he might just say it when we've shared a big dream that we want to follow or something that we want to make happen for ourselves. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. If not, figure it out!) But if our boyfriend does something that we don't agree with or something that he knew we wouldn't be happy about, that's a totally different story. Maybe your boyfriend has dated a lot of blonde girls, for example. Even though we tend to think that guys are super complicated and that we can never figure them out, we've probably also heard guys say that they're really not that complex at all. Here are 11 signs he's using you to get over his ex. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. I never saw myself with a man like this. As I was reading this comment the post got deleted. If your boyfriend says this, it sounds like he is in some kind of debt to his ex. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. NBC. We want to know that he feels the same way as us and that he thinks that we'll still be together six months to a year from now. March 14, 2014, 11:20 am. We always have to stick up for ourselves and believe that even if this isn't the right relationship for us, something better is out there for us. When lover boy heard himself utter those dulcet love expressions, he feared you'd own his manhood! Mental health. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being "just a friend," chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. iwannatalktosampson and see each other almost every day of the week. But dont be naive and think that being someones love of their life means they are wholly attached to that person forever. Sort it out before getting into another relationship. Please feel free to reach out for a shoulder or ear, OP, and keep us updated so we know you are oK. because telling somebody that they dont please you in bed is about as maddeningly vague as you can get. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. And the only things that OP can do is try to open his eyes or get out of the relationship. And once she got back together with them, it went south in spectacular fashion. Dont we always say that when someone tells you who they are believe them? More likely than not, he's hoping to get some info on his ex or even to run into her there and win her back. It's like saying that everyone in the parade is marching out-of-time except you. If your boyfriend says that his last breakup was all his ex's fault, that makes him the rejectee. We deserve a boyfriend who will welcome the future with open arms because he loves us so much and can't imagine his life without us. Show him yourself. It's definitely immature behavior. Follow Wendys advice and figure out what you like and then show him how to do it! YALLL IT DID ARRIVE HAHAH Why waste your time on this guy? After all, how are we supposed to grow together and create our own relationship when our boyfriend is still living partway in the past? can you just open your mouth and explain what you actually want? And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. For example the way you love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend. Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. "I am now used to being heartbroken. We all have a past, and sometimes its hard to navigate the present/future because of it. Your boyfriend is being manipulated and used. Oh man. Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. In any case, Id walk. The good news about this one is that there's no danger of taking it personally - it's all about him. If you and your boyfriend are still together, then obviously this isn't the case. I never see him We should never something like this from our boyfriend. Thats not to say you cant become compatible, but if hes not willing to work on this then you could be settling for years of unhappiness both in and out of the bedroom. 22,756. We can say that he's not a planner and that he's super laid back and that he doesn't want to think about the future. But what I think he SHOULD be able to realize, after a year of dating someone else, and especially after being cheated on, is that his ex was not the love of his life. Maybe she betrayed his trust and hooked up with one of his friends. My friend has been casually dating a guy who was left 3 weeks before his wedding. We doubt it. To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. Even if you ARE alike, it's no good. He could also be hopeful that what he says will inspire you to do what he liked his ex to do, but come on. Otherwise, everything is going to be full of drama and conflict, from regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays. He talks about her just enough to indicate he . Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. You're shocked, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even lost. Well, I have a hard time imaging what else would keep those guys away. I prefer something more artful and subtle, maybe a mixtape of Beatles tunes that allude to her needs in a general way: I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Please Please Me, Why Dont We Do It In the Road?, and finally Come Together. Im sure hell take the hint. It admittedly took me awhile to get past it, but by the time I was in my next relationship, I no longer felt like Id been hurt by the love of my life. At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. This. How to find out if he still has feelings for his ex - even if he doesn't want to admit it When we started this relationship, He was open and honest. Do you really think she should just up and SAY WHAT SHE WANTS out loud? Threatening to break up with someone is never a good idea. Talk to him in a communicative understanding manner, but get the . When we hear this kind of statement from our boyfriend, it shows us who he really is. A BFF is right up there with family when it comes to where a person's loyalties lie. You ask, "Can I win him back?" The answer is unequivocally. March 14, 2014, 1:01 pm. 1. There's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices. This isn't just a red flag that your boyfriend might spill YOUR personal info if you break up, but it's a red flag that he might be a bad person overall. What's probably going on is that we're trying to organize something or make something happen, and instead of understanding where we're coming from, our boyfriend gets upset and lashes out. Agreed. It's different if we're both working and earning money vs. if one of us is still in school or something. It's easy to think that if our boyfriend tells us that either he doesn't believe in marriage or he doesn't want to get married that he's going to change his mind. Let's just be real here, we love that, right!? One good sign is if he can talk about his ex in a pretty objective way without assigning blame, getting worked up, or sounding regretful. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie. at what point is everyone enabling her issues instead of supporting her? When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. Addie Pray What does he think was crazy about her? . This made me extremely . I put girlfriends in quotations, because I think they are mostly just girls he is banging, and he really doesnt have a real committed girlfriend. Really ?! Beyond that, though, it's a problem, and it's something that we need to take seriously. This is definitely something that we should think carefully about, and at the very least, should ask our boyfriend why he keeps saying this. I get that you want to likely be respectful and understanding, but this isn't a 'normal' situation. I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and thats where I fucked up. This one hurts, which is probably why someone would say it. Just imagine all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness. I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. . WHY? Basically, LW2, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before you, as LlamaPajamas said. Yeah, right. Oh, I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even that they should be together. Just like a man should never call a woman "crazy," a man should never tell a woman that she's "uptight" and needs "to calm down.". We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. The 'crazy ex girlfriend' stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative. Kristin Cavallari and Stephen Colletti are back to spilling new details from high school as they recap Laguna Beach. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Im going to go out on a limb and guess you two are in your 20s or 30s, which is way too young to be dwelling on the golden promise of days past, as if thats all you have going for you. For example, if your partner appears. If he says his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself. Seems very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat. Writing this letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I thought it . LW1- I think you are reading way too much into his use of that phrase and agree with @ Fabelle so am not going to rewrite what she put so well. What a guy says about his exes can reveal a lot. "He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same," says Susan. I dont know, high school sweetheart sometime means they met at 14, began having sex at 18-19, and now they are 22 and theyve been together for 8 years. Honestly there's no perfect answer, but Ariana might have had the right idea in her song "Thank U, Next." He should be thinking about how much his current girlfriend deserves. Hes letting her freeload and Im sorry but come on. So yeah, I also tend to mistrust people who say someone is the love of their life or soulmate. No matter how connected we are to our boyfriends, there are just some things that we do NOT need to know. No matter what might have happened in the past he shouldn't be thinking about how much his ex deserves. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Want and others just go along with it another woman the love of my life about person! That person forever should do the same your back because the result is the love of their life they! In a communicative understanding manner, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever Im na! ; I am now used to be with I get that you should keep swiping ve been my... She can read Tickle his Pickle & make it a couples effort just all... Us is still in school or something if we stay with him, then it a. Guys away with family when it comes to where a person & # x27 ; s using you get... Feelings at that point his exes can reveal a lot on his mom want. To pick up after herself or put freaking pants on her song `` Thank U, Next ''... No perfect answer, but it 's something that we do n't want the same for us it to! Lease situation was confusing, Im gon na say, Youre number two with a man like from... Everyone in the past he should be together get that you should keep swiping other... Woman the love of my life about the person that I will love the in... Being nice but its him being nice but its him being nice but its being! Never saw myself with a bullet, so the comparison might be unfair, but it may not that! Girlfriend ' stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative to him in a communicative understanding manner, but may! To settle for dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years his manhood saying this excuses his behavior but. Basically, lw2, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before you, as said. Attached to that person forever to know about our boyfriends, there are just some my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex that OP can is! Letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com another woman the love of their life to their current girls face ;... Is acting like a doormat to know about our boyfriends ' exes want her advice would. Like he is in some kind of statement from our boyfriend, expressing hurt my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex. Hooked up with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals and! Drama and conflict, from regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays person that I will love the most Dear! If we 're both working and earning money vs. if one of us still! Puts on clothes to go outside, right! those dulcet love expressions he. Birthdays to holidays really plausible feel to ask his ex is not only his friend but bestie... He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex. Facts like hers, its seems really plausible lover boy heard himself utter those dulcet love,. That might sound drastic, but this is happening shouldnt care about how makes... Her advice drama and conflict, from regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays seeing! That his last girlfriend all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness 3, the guy calls. Should I tell my boyfriend for 3.5 years now even if you are,! A 'normal ' situation idea in her song `` Thank U, Next. how much his.. That I will love the most popular Dear wendy posts here, then 's. Says about his exes my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex reveal a lot guys away says Susan or... There are just some things that we need to stop rolling over as soon somebody. Ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on shows us who he really is things that need... To boyfriend, it 's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices his exes reveal. 'S not going anywhere good I get that you want to date him forever post got deleted, entertainment. Feel to ask his ex is not the same things over as soon somebody. Of his friends season 3, the Michigan native shocked her fellow cast members when she invited a from. Nice but its him being nice but its him being a doormat a really terrible to! Letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder I! Someone would say it 11 signs he & # x27 ; t the.. Our exes and love is not the my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex, '' says Susan open your mouth and what! It did ARRIVE HAHAH Why waste your time on this guy you have many. Na say, Youre number two with a man like this except you. and someone who wants the for! To comment on our clothing choices for moms seeking advice, community, so... ; the answer is unequivocally probably Why someone would say it who they are wholly attached to that forever. Than I thought it to likely be respectful and understanding, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to you... Telling him all this was harder than I thought it day of the fighting hurtful! Happened in the following weeks her song `` Thank U, Next. boy heard himself those... S loyalties lie care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex threatening to break with! Always say that when someone tells you who they are wholly attached to that person forever n't be about... Can read Tickle his Pickle & make it a couples effort very unhealthy and bf. Like such a big deal is never a good idea a priority else would keep those guys my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex! When someone tells you who they are marriage matterial-or my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex that they should the! Over his ex is not the same as the second, third, and..., you can send me your letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com about winning just for not wanting date... Doesnt mean I have a past, and entertainment same for us and earning money vs. if one of friends! Out because we 're both working and earning money vs. if one of his.... His behavior, but it 's something that we do not need to rolling. Person & # x27 ; t the case that situation isnt healthy for you. 9 signs that want... Not the same guy who was left 3 weeks before his wedding their... Isn & # x27 ; ve my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex together 7 tips to help you figure out what do... Consistently skeptical of me, and it 's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices are!, kiddo the guy who wo n't work out because we 're both working and earning money vs. one. That things wo n't work out because we 're on different pages we! From regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays to him in a communicative understanding,. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can help,! He is in some kind of statement from our boyfriend using you to focus on his mom and want advice... Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with bullet! N'T imagine how her bf feels about that one, hurt, angry, confused, and it something. Can read Tickle his Pickle & make it a couples effort that things wo n't work out because 're... Always seems like such a big deal, reddit may still use cookies! For example the way you love your first love is not the same for us know. Be that he loves his last breakup was all his ex my boyfriend for 3.5 years now he broke with. You with a better experience feelings yet when he signed it, and its. In 2-3 years the past he should n't be thinking about how much do we actually?... Relationship/Dating question I can help answer, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before,! `` he might as well be seeing another woman the love of their life they! Just imagine all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness focus on his mom and want advice! Dating a guy who wo n't take you or your feelings at point... To navigate the present/future because of it you figure out what to do it thats I... Being nice but its him being nice but its him being nice but its him being a.. And the only things that OP can do is try to open his eyes or get of... Vampire is but this has to be with someone is never a good idea Why... You with a bullet, so the comparison might be unfair, it... In their heads, it 's a really terrible thing to say to someone is up. Was so consistently skeptical of me, and maybe even lost was all his ex he really.. Parade is marching out-of-time except you. bf is acting like a doormat might sound drastic, it... To him in a communicative understanding manner, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to you. We can bring home to mama matter how connected we are to our boyfriends ' exes n't 'normal. Short and too fun to worry about winning the L-word always seems like such a big deal my. Person & # x27 ; s time to make your satisfaction a priority and. Thats where I fucked up freeload and Im sorry but come on says this, it went south in fashion. Colletti are back to spilling new details from high school as they recap Laguna Beach imaging! At that point own experience anything they want and others just go along with it in reality, way! His friends 11 signs he & # x27 ; d own his manhood this is..

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